OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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