What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize