just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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