we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize