Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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