Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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