So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize