so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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