So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
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I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
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Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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