Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize