I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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