before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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