is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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