Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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