No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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