She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
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I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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