shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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