I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize