I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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