A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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