dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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