i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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