my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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