She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
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He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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