that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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