The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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