And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize