um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize