Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize