Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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