i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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