don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
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Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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