Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize