Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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