? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
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I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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