My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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