Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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