He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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