Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize