I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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