a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
what day is it and did you see me today?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
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I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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