What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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