I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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