how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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