Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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