the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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