I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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