Will you blow on my dice?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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