I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize