Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
they need to just BURY HIM!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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